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Finding The Right Way Of Meditation By Focused Attention
If you're just beginning to learn meditation, either in a guided meditation group or by yourself, you sit for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit each day at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you perfect. You allow the daily five to ten minutes to expand to fifteen or twenty minutes as the weeks follow, but you by no means try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about tightening the teeth in determination. It's about sitting calmly with yourself, and though it requires its own kind of discipline this has less to do with force than with soft and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or feelings arise, you permit them to pass through and out of awareness like clouds reflected in water. You don't try and push them out, but leave them to go of their own accord. Irrespective of how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how compelling or worrying the emotions, you don't hang on to them or allow one thought or emotion to start another and another until you are off on an inattentiveness trail that takes you far away from the simple issue of the in-breath and the out-breath.
If, nevertheless, you do get carried away, gently but definitely come back to your breathing the moment you realize this has cropped up. Avoid being impatient with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never understand how to meditate. Your wandering mind is simply demonstrating to you just how much you need to train your meditation techniques. It is supporting you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, gratitude towards that part of your mind that has realized you are wool-gathering and that has prompted you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot overstress how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you curse yourself each time you become aware you are lost in thought, you will not only be awakening the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be training your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and naturally it doesn't like being punished. So it will prompt you less and less often, and you will find focus becomes harder and harder. In response to the frustration that this brings, your mind will then start whispering persuasively to you that meditation is a total waste of effort, and that you would be well suggested to find something much better to do with your time.
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