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The Four Agreements Are Useful Philosophies We Can Use To Sustain Our Lives, Better Our Relationships, And Enhance Our Satisfaction.
Have you come across the book The Four Agreements? The Four Agreements by Ruiz are highly effective principles we can implement to live our lives, enhance our bonds with others, and maximize our happiness and well-being.
These are Ruiz's The Four Agreements.
The First Agreement: Always be Impeccable With Your Word.
This means avoiding gossip, lies, empty assurances and other actions we cause problems with our words. Speak only what you mean, and bear in mind that you can trigger harm if you're not conscientious with every remark you say.
This is a great advice. Many people don't recognize the capability of their words and see the problem that can be created with speaking carelessly, thoughtlessly or aggressively. Most of us are conscious that screaming at someone may be uncomfortable to them, but indirect little digs at them, or gossip behind their backs, can negatively affect others more than we realize, and in distressing them, we harm ourselves.
The Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally.
This 'agreement' is concerned with finding out how other people's behaviors are a reflection of them only. Whenever someone gives us comments about us, it's helpful to keep in mind that no feedbacks are genuinely objective; we all have our biases, 'filters' through which we view the world, and the like. Because of this, we should not take anyone else's opinion of us or our actions as totally precise; when someone says something about us (or anything else), they're really saying something about themselves and how they view the world.
This is fantastic tip for making us feel better, but take it with a grain of salt. While everybody has their biases and there is no such thing as true objectivity, by never taking a thing personally, people can really limit their ability to recognize their own unhelpful patterns and biased thinking, and work on developing more healthy patterns and clear-sighted thinking.
The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions.
A great deal of stress is created when people assume they are aware of what other people are thinking without verifying with them. Recognizing that other people might have different motivations for their actions, even drastically varying world views, and remembering to really try to understand other people and talk over these motivations before going to conclusions concerning their behavior, can go a long way toward staying away from interpersonal conflict.
However, taking this advice to an extreme may cause people to pay no attention to their intuition about people, or common sense about somebody's behavior that's damaging. It can also open people up to manipulation whenever they train themselves to believe a person's explanation of unhelpful behavior rather than judging the behavior on its own. (For example, not 'assuming' they're being cheated on if their partner is showing erratic behavior and the classic indicators of infidelity, but vehemently denies wrongdoing.) This one is a helpful suggestion, but should be tempered by common sense and inner wisdom.
The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best.
By this, Ruiz means to do the best you can at any given time, and you'll have no regrets. Some days, your best isn't as good as other days, and that is fine. As long as you put honest effort into life, you will have nothing to be ashamed of, and will not 'beat yourself up' over a less-than-stellar performance in retrospect.
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